We got married on August 21st. We were so excited. For months and months we had planned our honeymoon to Mexico. A full week we thought. AMAZING! We booked the trip when our daughter was a little over 2 months old. At a time when she did nothing but lay there, looks at us, cry for food or have ridiculously weird diapers. At a time when we were beyond exhausted and could only dream of alone time in Mexico.
It seemed to take forever to get here. All the while our daughter was growing up. She was smiling, rolling, cooing sounds that made us giggle and laugh. Eating solids and making a mess, and through it all her little personality was starting to shine through. We were getting more sleep, our sanity was coming back. And even though neither of us admitted it, we loved every moment of every day.
Then it was here. We said I do and the next thing we know we’re saying goodbye to our child. We booked an early flight so it was 2 am when we headed to the airport. I remember I couldn’t say goodbye the last time. When she was awake I gave her a kiss and said a “see you later” goodbye so I didn’t lose it. And when we left for the airport, I tried to pretend she wasn’t upstairs sleeping. I tried to pretend that I wouldn’t miss her.
And I was full of shit.
We boarded the plane and I was OK. But as we moved down the runway to take off I lost it. I’m not talking ugly cry here, but I couldn’t hold back the tears. Because I knew there was no going back. Once this plane took off I’d just get farther and farther away from her.
I spent the first few days of the trip trying not to think about it. Trying to enjoy the alone time with my new husband. Enjoying the sun, food and drinks as well as the entertainment at the resort. Enjoying the idea that I didn’t have to rush around and pack a tiny suitcase to go anywhere. There was no crying for food, or poop filled diapers. It was just us.
Around the third day we were relaxing on the bed at night just talking about random non-child related things (like we used to, back when we weren’t parents, remember?) When he stopped, looked at me and said “I really miss her”. I said I know I do too. I was a bit surprised he actually admitted it. After that, we couldn’t stop talking about her.
Every morning we got up and messaged Grandma to send us more pictures or a video. Neither of us could stand not seeing her. We counted down the days until we went back home.
We arrived home in the middle of the night. I remember walking into the room where she was asleep and looking at her. She was so big! How is it possible she grew so much in the 7 days that we were gone? I couldn’t believe it.
I rolled her over and woke her up gently. She opened her eyes, saw both of us and had the biggest smile I can remember seeing. It melted my heart.
While it was so hard to leave our child, it helped my husband and I by having the time alone. Being able to focus just on us, and even to miss our daughter together. It was nice pretending for a while that it was just he and I. But the truth is, we aren’t us without her.
Have any of you experienced this? What did you do to cope?