We’ve been wanting a baby for a while but doctors told me that conceiving would be difficult. To our surprise, we found out I was pregnant late last year and today we have a beautiful, healthy, one and a half month old little girl…and I’ve never felt so lost in my life!
When you’re thinking about having a baby, or when you’re pregnant, you tend to concentrate on the “cute” things: the Baby Shower, the nursery’s “motiff”, the clothes your going to buy for the little one, the “leaving the hospital” outfit, carseat, bassinet, play yard, among other baby stuff. What you DON’T think about when you’re a first time mom is that you’ll probably put the diaper on backwards at least once. Yep, did that.
You don’t think about the frustration you feel when your new bundle of joy can’t seem to latch on properly to your breast to feed or that maybe you’ll need to supplement with formula so she doesn’t go hungry. Been there. Cried a river at the hospital when my baby’s nurse told me she hadn’t pooped and it was because I wasn’t producing enough milk, asked me to sign a release allowing them to give my little girl formula. I did. And I felt like a failure already on my second day as a mommy. Even more so when baby finished her bottle in less than five minutes.
Then you get to go home…and the real “terror” begins. You’re afraid to drop her or hurt her. You sit or stand by the crib while she’s sleeping to make sure she’s breathing. You poke her if for a minute you think she’s not, or is it just me?
You give her a bath and feel relief afterwards. Why? Because those sweet smelling bath products make for a very slippery baby! I made the mistake of asking for a sling instead of a tub and the thing didn’t fit in my sink…bathing baby became a two person task and my husband and I always came out of the shower soaking wet but with a clean offspring. Oh, yeah, we know have a tub.
Getting her dressed was also stressful. I was scared a wrong move would have me accidentally pressing on the soft part of her scalp. Took me a long time to put on her onesie, and I sometimes dressed her in onesies she was still too small for to minimize the risk.
And then comes the crying!! Takes a while to figure out WHY she’s crying. She’s fed, her diaper’s clean, what’s wrong? The fact that sometimes I couldn’t calm her down, but daddy could, made me feel inadequate. I can’t calm down my own baby? Fail. You get stressed, frustrated, emotional, and, frankly, sometimes you just need a few minutes alone to get yourself together.
But, there’s something we all need to understand: there’s no such thing as a Super Mom and we WILL feel lost a lot of the time. The good news? We’ll get it. My baby has started smiling at me, cooing and looking at me as if I’m her favorite person in the whole world…must be doing something right.