Life Without Shadows

Oh, what? That older man 5 isles down didn't say hi back? Let's scream HI at him until he does. How dare he ignore her!

“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”

There are sometimes that I think that I’ll never make it through.  That the days are just filled with too many things, and too little time.  To quote Bilbo Baggins (Yep, totally going there.) “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” And with little shadows following your every move, it can make you go crazy.

You know it’s going to be good when I’m quoting Lord Of The Rings. 🙂

Oh, what? That older man 5 isles down didn't say hi back? Let's scream HI at him until he does. How dare he ignore her!I thought my life was busy before I had children, boy oh boy, what the hell was I thinking?  I’d take an hour to get ready. When I say an hour, I mean just for myself.  Not me, a toddler and a baby.  Today I’d kill for that luxury. (Okay, not literally, but it would be SO nice!)

Since my son was born at the end of June (and dealing with 2 under 2!), I’ve managed to find the time to flat iron my hair once.  Once! Instead, I’m trying to get to some state of looking like a human while my son is fussing and my daughter is running in and out of the bathroom yelling “brush” (more closely resembling “bwrush”). Then screaming her head off when I don’t drop what I’m doing to throw her toothpaste on her little toothbrush so she can suck the paste off in 3 seconds and want more. Because we all know, paste is for eating.  It’s just a very light snack you find in the bathroom.

How about personal time.  What’s that?  I have no idea anymore. Between work, kids, the house and the hubby, there isn’t time.  When I do have time free, I’m usually here, writing the blog.  I guess it’s personal time, I wouldn’t be here writing if I didn’t enjoy it.

And shopping used to be fun.  Not that it’s awful, yet.  But it’s definitely lost its luster. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter loves, I mean LOVES shopping.  She’s 19 months and says hello to everyone at the store.  Oh, what?  That older man 5 isles down didn’t say hi back?  Let’s scream HI at him until he does.  How dare he ignore her! No kidding.  While this is still a pretty adorable event to me, what isn’t is something entirely more painful that has recently started.

My daughter is obsessed with clasps, clips, buckles, whatever you’d like to call them.  The plastic contraptions that click into place on every bouncer, car seat, high chair, oh and shopping cart. I didn’t know toddlers could be obsessed.  She is. She will stand for an hour in front of her high chair trying to get the clasps together. A few days ago, she got it.  It took 10 minutes at first, then 5, now we’re down to a blazing 15 seconds that she can lock both sides into place. And once it’s clicked, what do I hear?  Open!  Open!  (Which sounds like Omen! Omen!)

Yesterday was my first shopping trip with her since she’s really figured out how to snap those things into place.  I put her in the cart in the parking lot.  Think to myself “sure, you can clip them into place around you in the cart, no problem.”  Ten minutes later I’m screaming in my head “What the fuck were you thinking, you idiot!” I couldn’t walk 3 steps without hearing “Omen!” Sheesh.  Well, thank goodness for online shopping, that’s clip free.

And sleep?  Forget it.  If I have to choose between time for myself and sleep, unless I’m ready to pass out, I’m taking time for myself. Because otherwise I feel like I’ve done nothing but take care of children.  When you sleep and wake when they do, the time flies and it’s all you’ve done.

My little shadows are always there.  Making the moments pass in agony sometimes, but always so fast. I’ll look back on these moments fondly, no matter how much they pissed me off at the time.  This clasp obsession?  I’ll be telling it to her every time we go shopping when she gets older.  (Maybe I’ll yell “Omen” at her haha!)

They don’t stay little forever.  They won’t be my shadows forever, and I’m happy to give this time to them. All of my time to them and to cherish it while it’s here. Pretty soon, my life will be without shadows, they will be on their own and I’ll wish it were like this again.  Chaos and all.

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  1. Wow I love the honestly here. So many people try to pretend like they can do it all when in reality, no one can. Enjoy the time you have with your little ones!


  2. Hi Catrina, I can so relate to everything you write. My two youngest are 18 months apart. Our oldest son is 5 years older. Sometimes, we had three children in bed and I ended up trying to find a small spot in some corner of the bed where I could fit and actually sleep for an hour or two. It was crazy. They are a bit older now and everything is so much easier. But that time when they babies was wonderful too, in its chaotic way. Enjoy it! 🙂

  3. You sound just like me. Being a working mom is a roller coaster ride, to say the least. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

    • I know exactly what you mean! I’ve heard it gets easier… I think I’m going to be waiting for a while. 🙂 Thanks for the comment!

  4. My kids are now 7 and 8, less then 1 year apart. It was hard.. the first few years, up until they were 4 and 5. Now that they are in school, everything changed. It really comes over night – their independence, more alone time for me, I actually have hobbies again!;) But you know, like you wrote at the end, you will be wishing for that time when it’s chaos and all.. That time comes sooner then you might think;)

    Chilli 😉

    • Thanks so much for your comment! I have no doubt that you are spot on. I try to appreciate it now as much as I can. 🙂