I’ve been away from my daughter before. She’s just over a year, and I’ve been away from her less times than I can count on my fingers. But tonight here I sit, alone, and heartbroken knowing my daughter is so far away. So why is tonight different than the others? Tonight is the first time I’ve been away from my daughter, and my husband at the same time.
I might not say it often to him, but he’s my rock. Not only does he keep me grounded but he helps me keep it together. If I wavered at my decision of that before, tonight has made me believe.
When we said goodbye I tried not to tear up. I kept thinking “It’s just overnight” and “you’ll see him soon.” but it didn’t matter. I held it together long enough to get in my car and drive away but the stability ended there. A few tears escaped without my knowing.
I thought I was looking forward to tonight. In fact, he was doing it for me in part. He wanted me to take some time for myself, to take a break from it all and just let myself relax. (Which I find extremely difficult.)
As I spent the afternoon at work, I thought of what I’d do with all the time to myself tonight. None of my line of thinking involved tears.
And I was wrong.
I was fine until I got home. I knew it was coming, and made a few stops before making my way home. Once home, I needed my rock. And he’s not here.
I didn’t realize how hard it would be to be away from both of them. I’ve never had a problem on date nights, or even a week in Mexico on our honeymoon. I managed without losing it. But with them both gone and being all alone, I’ve realized that it’s an entirely new ballgame. One that I was completely unprepared for.
So while this may not be the first time I’ve been away from my daughter, this is my first time alone. It has been (by far) the hardest time I’ve had.
Maybe it’s because I’ve had time to sit and think, time to just do nothing. But without my rock and my LO with me, it’s just not the same.
How did you handle your first time away? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments!